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Here’s what’s happened in the past year — two girlfriends have gotten engaged, and one has her condo on the market and is looking with her boyfriend to buy a new place and move in together. So, because of that and the fact that we live longer, she says, it’s worth putting the time and energy into looking for love regardless of your age.They are all 50-something, empty-nesters and divorced. The difference between men and women at this age, however, is that we don’t necessarily want the same things.That’s what I thought, anyway, in my snobby and blinkered youth. Because time sped by and suddenly I’d joined them – without the perm and cardi because nobody has them now – but 60 all the same.

That said, the dating market for older singles isn’t all that easy. There just aren’t that many available singles our age and the ones who are available are an interesting lot (read Anne Lamott’s funny take of her year on to understand).As a result, older couples who remain sexual become more interested in sex without intercourse: hand massage, oral sex, and sex toys. As 50 has become the new 30, older adults’ STI rates have risen.(Gonorrhea can infect the throat and herpes the lips (cold sores), but most other STIs are rarely transmissible orally.) So older daters generally assume they don’t need condoms. Since 2005, risk of syphilis among older adults has jumped 67 percent, chlamydia 40 percent, which is why health officials recommend condoms every time for everyone who dates until both lovers test STI-free and pledge monogamy.The idea above all is that your sex life may have a few more challenges than it did when you were younger, but it can still be playful, exciting, passionate, fulfilling, and loving.Even the most confident-seeming man may have one or more of the following common concerns, especially after passing age 50: Men generally see themselves as the pursuer rather than the pursued, so they have to proceed with coming on to someone without really knowing whether the object of their desire is as turned on as they are.When he died I fell in love with somebody 15 years younger than I was – a Hungarian artist – and lived with him for seven years.

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