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“Maybe I’m not secure enough to be with a man that likes other men because I would feel like when he’s out with his boys, it’s just more of a moment, I don’t know,” she elaborated.
“I don’t know if it’s me feeling threatened, I don’t know.
“If you say you’re gay, very few people say, ‘Well, what do you mean?
’ Bisexuals have to come out every time they walk into a room,” she says. We like to joke that’s the one thing straights and gays agree on: They don’t understand bisexuals.” Ingram, 41, grew up in Jamaica—where being anything other than straight is punishable with jail time but is more often handled by mob violence—and she spent the ’80s and ’90s advocating for gay rights in New York City, where she identified as a lesbian before coming out as bisexual.
Denise Ingram is used to explaining herself, and it shows.
Early in their relationship, he made a confession, a thorny secret he camouflaged from his closest family and friends. Sensing his nervousness, she speculated he would announce he was sick -- or perhaps dying? On the surface, Robert Winn, now 40, and Christine Winn, 41, appear to be like any other blissfully married heterosexual couple. He's a well-respected physician, who works with the LGBT community in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The couple says they've grown closer over time, but like any marriage, two people can have differences -- including sexual orientation.
They were both prepared for the onslaught of questions from friends and family, some well-meaning and others hostile, when they became engaged: “Are you straight now?
” (They are not.) “Are you going to miss the other gender?
“But in my personal life, in my sex life, in who I choose to love, I just think that I would think about it too much. I wouldn’t be comfortable with it and I don’t know why.” She stressed that she was not being judgmental towards people who are bisexual, noting that she has dated women and that she considers herself to be bisexual.
But she said it is simply her preference for the men that she dates.
She feels connected to the LGBT community—entitled to the connection even—and she remembers the times when no one in the movement was accepted by the mainstream, when no one thought to check her gay credentials.