() Every time I fly and am forced to remove my shoes, I'm grateful Richard Reid is not known as the Underwear Bomber. — Gunter's Second Law of Air Travel When the weight of the paper equals the weight of the airplane, only then you can go flying. — Jonathon Swift Which is now a more hopeful statement than Swift intended it to be. — John Wiley In response to how he checked the weather, "I just whip out my blue card with a hole in it and read what it says: 'When color of card matches color of sky, FLY!
— Douglas Manuel, aerospace executive regards airport security. Landing on the ship during the daytime is like sex, it's either good or it's great. — Will Durant If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of 22, it would have changed the history of music… — Tom Stoppard The three worst things to hear in the cockpit: The second officer says, "Oh shit! '" — Gordon Baxter Instrument flying is an unnatural act probably punishable by God.
Take this down: 'I want rustlers, cut-throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperadoes, mugs, pugs, thugs, nit-wits, half-wits, dim-wits, vipers, snipers, con-men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bush-whackers, horn-swagglers, horse-thieves, bull-dykes, train-robbers, bank-robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers, and Methodists! " - "No, now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time." "I went to New York University, and, uhm, I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. -- Steven Wright For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... We're ten hours from the f--kin' fun park and you wanna bail out. To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! " - "Apes don't read philosophy." - "Yes they do, Otto. Rodney Dangerfield Stand Up Jokes With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.