But there’s another kind I see all the time in relationships everywhere that goes less recognized: men who sit too long on the emotional fence in a relationship, wasting precious years of their partner’s time before ultimately heading for the door.
I’m calling to task the men who have been on the fence since very early in the relationship, and yet stay in that same position for years on end, and then finally call it off later for the same misgivings they had years earlier.
They rob their partners of life’s most precious resource. To be fair, I admit, I’ve been this guy myself at times, to some degree.
While I’ve never wasted “years” of a woman’s life, I have stayed in things longer than I should have, and I’m trying to never be that guy again.
While it’s unethical for either partner (regardless of gender) in any relationship to waste the other’s time by not being fully committed, or honest about their intentions, it seems a particularly worse crime when perpetrated against women (if she wants to have kids and be married some day), since time is a resource they simply have less of than men. I see too many women who’ve lost crucial child-bearing years to a guy who spent years in emotional limbo and then hit the road. It’s a lot easier to postpone it and avoid the hardship it inevitably brings.
A 35 year-old man can afford to dally another 5-10-15 years before having his first child. For the record, I am not judging any relationship that simply doesn’t work out and a man ends it late in the game because they grew apart. I’ve spent plenty of time coming up with my own reasons of “why it’s not a good time to break up right now.” But it rarely is. I know of countless men—some of whom I count among my good friends—who have expressed a serious concern about compatibility early in their relationships, and yet not acted on it for years.
Everyone knows it’s no fun to be away from your significant other.
This one guy, who is married, is trying so hard to talk to me. How can I tell him we’re "just friends," and how can I attract the right person for me?
It sounds as if he wants what some other married men want, a side chick.
You must decide if you are willing to be cast in that role.
Your relationship with your children’s other parent has ended. Perhaps you have felt some combination of hurt, anger, depression, relief, guilt, uncertainty, or hopefulness.
Maybe you’ve taken the time to address your feelings and are ready to think about getting into a new relationship, or maybe you left your relationship in order to begin again with a new partner.
• Give your children time to adjust to their new situation.